By Jim Schmidt
It took me a long time to realize the importance of taking time for yourself, recharging, and for self-care. This is a common issue for many people, especially those with careers as “helpers”. We excel at providing care and fixing problems, sometimes under the most stressful situations and crises. The stress of our job often comes with a lot of vicarious trauma that we absorb and bury deep inside. This can lead to compassion fatigue, burnout, and infiltrate into our personal lives, affecting our daily well-being and relationships with coworkers, family, and friends.
The great news is that with the proper resources, support, and tools for resilience, we have the ability to overcome these obstacles. I had no roadmap for navigating the trauma of my work, let alone the grief of losing a child. I failed more than once to find a way through, and there were times when I felt like giving up entirely. The process of coping and healing felt impossible at times, but through persistence and a lot of self-reflection I was able to reconnect with my best version. I discovered just how possible healing truly is.
It wasn’t until I found the right person through my employer, who oversaw our peer support team, that I truly felt heard, and realized there was hope. When I was close to my breaking point, she guided me to a professional who cleared her schedule and took the afternoon to listen, guide, and validate the decades of complex trauma I endured both professionally and personally. My therapist not only has advanced degrees in social work and psychotherapy, but she also attended numerous job-specific trainings for first responders. To say she “gets it” is an understatement. I think that is a vital piece of the process, finding the right person! I use the analogy of buying a new pair of shoes. Sometimes you think you’ve found the pair you need, but the fit isn’t the best. They aren’t comfortable, it’s awkward, but you continue to wear them because you feel you made a commitment to something you thought was right. Sometimes you have to keep trying on different shoes until you find that proper fit. The same can be said about finding the right mental health professional, and hopefully, they will understand and help guide you to the person who may be best equipped to assist you.
I want to be clear about something… It isn’t only about finding the proper mental health professional (when needed), you also have to put the work in too. We have to be open to self-reflection, honesty, responding properly to our emotions, and accepting of the ideas for help offered to us. I think that was the most difficult part for me to understand. It’s perfectly normal to experience anger, frustration, sadness, etc, in different scenarios, but more importantly is how we process those emotions and respond to them. WE have the power to control how we react to those emotions in a healthier fashion. For me, I no longer immediately react or say things that can be hurtful or taken out of context. I stop, take a few slow, deep breaths and give myself a moment to calm down before reacting. We often underestimate the process of breathing and how it can regulate our body. Once you learn breathing techniques and how to harness them for good, you will be amazed at its true power.
I’d like to ask a question: How do you decompress and assimilate back into the ‘civilian’ world after a shift? We often experience some very stressful, often tragic situations and see things that you could never explain to people outside “the job” throughout our work day. We then expect to go home and act “normal” and unbreakable. As if we are impervious to it all… protected by an invisible shield of armor. This is something that you have to find that works best for you. Some folks I know go to the grocery store and walk the aisles shopping for a while before going home. Others go to the gym and exercise. I liked to grab a cup of coffee and drive to the water and just watch the boats and waves for a bit before going home. I would take the time to breathe and allow my brain time to reset. It is up to you to find that healthy adaptive outlet and avoid those maladaptive coping mechanisms for stress management.
Lastly, I want to remind you that healing is deeply personal. The techniques I’ve shared here helped me navigate unimaginable trauma, but they may not be the perfect fit for everyone, and that’s okay. The path to mental wellness isn’t one-size-fits-all. What matters is finding tools that resonate with you.
In our next post, we’ll explore the power of positive affirmations and how they can actually rewire the brain to support a more grounded, peaceful mindset. We’ll also dive into simple breathing techniques and other practices to calm the nervous system, because true healing begins when we learn to reconnect, slow down, and center ourselves, creating a space for clarity and peace.
You are not alone in this. Your healing matters. And your story deserves space.
